Melvin Feller MA Discusses the Word Anger and How it Relates to Danger

Melvin Feller is known as “The Entrepreneur’s Mentor” because Melvin walks his talk. Melvin Feller has been there and done that and more importantly, Melvin Feller knows how to transfer the skill set for success. This is main reason that he has been the sought after coach to hundreds of small business owners, entrepreneurs, Realtors, Real estate investors and service professional internationally. Melvin Feller’s main talent is to show you how the step by step process to build and enjoy a successful 6-figure plus business while having a balanced life. Melvin Feller maintains an office in Texas. Melvin Feller is currently pursuing another graduate degree as an MBA.

The Word Anger by Melvin Feller MA

We all know what anger is, and we have all felt it. Anger is a natural response to threats. It can inspire powerful, aggressive feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry with a specific person, event, or personal problem.

Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. Your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy. Anger is a completely normal, usually a healthy, human emotion. However, when it gets out of control and turns destructive is when it can lead to danger.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

• Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. Being assertive does not mean being pushy or demanding. It means being respectful of yourself and others. You are able to make clear what your needs are without hurting others.
• Suppressing your anger is when you hold it, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to convert it into a constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward, on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why), or a cynical and hostile personality. Individuals who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making sarcastic remarks haven’t learned how to express constructively their anger. They are likely to have trouble in their relationships.
• With calming, the third method of dealing with anger, you can calm down your angry feelings. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also your internal responses. Deep breathing and relaxing imagery can lower your heart rate and allow you to calm yourself until the feelings subside.

The Word Anger by Melvin Feller MA

Unfortunately, when these three techniques do not work, someone or something is probably going to get hurt. The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You cannot get rid of or avoid, things or people that enrage you, nor can you change them. You therefore must learn to control your reactions to avoid danger.

Surely you have often heard someone say, “Well, I just say it like it is. If you don’t want to hear it, you better not ask.” In other words, they are saying I have a license to hurt others. Telling it like it is with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you or the person you are angry with to resolve the situation. If you are in a heated discussion, slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. It is natural to get defensive when you are criticized, but don’t fight back. It will require patience on your part, some breathing but don’t let your anger spin out of control. Keeping your cool will keep danger away.

It is best to find out what triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from shooting you over the edge. Simply put, this means re-engineering the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you are angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Be careful of words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or someone else. These words are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there is no way to solve the problem. “This %&!* @# computer.” “You are always late.” “You never keep your promises.” These statements also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Re-engineer your thought process. Remind yourself getting angry is not going to fix anything. Getting angry will not make you feel any better. It may actually make you feel worse.

Logic will defeat anger. Anger, even when it is justified, can quickly become irrational.

Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you, you are just experiencing some rough spots on your journey. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it will help you get a more balanced perspective.

The Word Anger by Melvin Feller MA

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems. The belief that every problem has a solution can add to our frustration when we find out this is not always the case. In this situation, do not focus on finding the solution but on how you handle and face the problem. Resolve to give it your best. Do not punish yourself if a solution does not come right away.

You will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Humor can help defuse anger. It can help you get a more balanced perspective. Humor can take the edge off your fury. Humor can unknot a tense situation. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don’t try to “laugh off” your problems. Use humor to help you face them more constructively. Second, don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor. Anger is a serious emotion, but it is often accompanied by ideas, if examined, can make you laugh.

You can’t eliminate anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that, but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from becoming a danger for you.

Melvin Feller MA Business Consultant, Business Owner, Melvin Feller ministries and MBA Graduate Student Candidate

Melvin Feller MA is in Texas and in Oklahoma. Melvin Feller founded Melvin Feller Business Group and Melvin Feller Ministries in the 1970s to help individuals and organizations achieve their specific Victory. Victory as defined by the individual or organization are achieving strategic objectives, exceeding goals, getting results or desired outcomes and a positive outreach with grace and as a ministries. He has extensive experience assisting businesses achieve top and bottom line results. He has broad practical experience creating WINNERS in many organizations and industries. He has hands-on experience in executive leadership, operations, logistics, sales, program management, organizational development, training, and customer service. He has coached teams to achieve results in strategic planning, business development, organizational design, sales, and customer response and business process improvement. He has prepared and presented many workshops nationally and internationally.

Melvin Feller MA Describes Necessary Life Skills

Melvin Feller MA Describes Necessary Life Skills

Melvin Feller is known as “The Entrepreneur’s Mentor” because Melvin walks his talk. Melvin Feller has been there and done that and more importantly, Melvin Feller knows how to transfer the skill set for success. This is main reason that he has been the sought after coach to hundreds of small business owners, entrepreneurs, Realtors, Real estate investors and service professional internationally. Melvin Feller’s main talent is to show you how the step by step process to build and enjoy a successful 6-figure plus business while having a balanced life. Melvin Feller maintains an office in Texas. Melvin Feller is currently pursuing another graduate degree as an MBA.

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

There are times that you feel driven and motivated, and sometimes you just feel both totally down and like a loser. There are also times when you accomplish amazing things and achieve your goals. And then there are times when you hit roadblocks and face challenges and are unsure if you are even on the right path at all.
Just like what Steve Jobs said in his commencement speech at Stanford, “Sometimes life’s going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.” It is great to understand that life is a series of seasons. You can experience the best the world has to offer in that one moment, and at next, the worst of life can hit you. However, please understand that it is not what you go through that defines you; it is how you deal with the issues.

Remember, it is your choice and your decision that determine your life. It is what you do that makes you, and you are the only one. Therefore, it is imperative that you choose to do the right thing, and that you live a remarkable and meaningful life.

Here are a few suggestions of what you can do when life gets hard.

Understand that things will change

One of the most important keys is to understand that things will never stay the same forever. If you are facing some tough times right now, do not worry because things will never remain the same. After all, It can never rain forever, right? Once the rain is over, the sun will come out and shine. Just endure the challenges, learn from them, and the good times will eventually come.

Study history and you will understand that things will change over time. In addition, look at the stock market, it can never continue to rise, nor can it fall and remain low all the time. It will rebound when the time is right. The same goes for your life. Things may not stay the same for the long-term. However, when you are facing difficult times, understand that they are not here to stay as well.

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

Change is necessary

Yes, difficult times, challenges, setbacks, failures, and defeats are a necessary process in life. Regardless of whom you are or what you want to accomplish in life, these are common learning experiences that you must pass through. It is a normal occurrence of life.

Take it as a challenge, as a test from God, and as a stepping-stone to your success. How do you think Thomas Edison was able to discover the filament to make the light bulb works? Well, it was through failures. Without failures, there will never be successes. Failures, defeats, and challenges are what contributes to success and achievement. You learn the most when you fail.

In fact, people have learned, achieved, and evolved much more from their failures than their successes. Look at extraordinary people like Elon Musk, Michael Jordan, and Steve Jobs, etc., they were able to achieve outstanding results in life because they went through tough times and learned from their experiences.

Have a positive outlook

This is easier said than done. However, the saying, “Every cloud has a silver lining” is true. You cannot see the positive in the situation because you have not found it yet. Napoleon Hill, the best-selling author of Think and Grow Rich once said, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”

Richard Branson discovered the idea to start an airline because he became stranded in an airport due to his flight being canceled. He was frustrated with the problem, but yet he chose to look from the positive side and he chartered a plane.

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

Steve Jobs said that dropping out from his college was one of the best things in his life because he had to sit in a class that did not interest him, the same one in which he managed to learn calligraphy of which the Mac uses today.

So look at the problem from a positive point of view and welcome frustration as a learning experience. You know that every problem and difficulty contains an opportunity to learn and grow. Therefore, just face it with courage and a smile.

No such thing as failure, only lessons

From what you have just learned, there are no failures, only lessons to learn. Even if you cannot find the opportunity hidden within the problem, it is all right as long as you treat the failure as a source of feedback and then fail forward.

The problem is that most people choose to look at failure as a defeat rather than a source of feedback and do not learn from it. It does not matter how many times you fall as long as you choose to get up and learn the lesson.

If you are a parent, are you going to stop your baby from trying to walk because she falls? Not at all, in fact, you will encourage her to walk and even teach her the proper way. Therefore, remember the same principle in your life as an adult to learn from your failures.

Focus on what you can control
Sometimes, situations are beyond our control and no matter what we do, we cannot change a thing.

Moreover, if you cannot change the situation, why worry? The if you can change it, then just do it.
I know that this is easier said than done, but it is a fact that every one of us must accept. We need to learn to focus on only what we can control. Many times, when a problem occurs, people focus on the problem and are trying to blame or find an excuse to get away from the problem. Do not do this. Instead, choose to focus on the solution.

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

When you fail to achieve your goal or your target, just learn from the situation and focus on what you can do right now. Stop spending time thinking about the problem, the defeat, or trying to find out whom to blame. Always work on the solution.
God has a better plan for you
Sometimes when life gets hard, you have to realize that God has a better plan for you. I am not saying that you should give up or quit at all, but rather, I am saying that you need to choose to believe that

God has something better for you in store. Maybe God wants you to learn something that will change your life for the better forever. Alternatively, maybe God is testing your determination to see if it is something that you truly want. On the other hand, perhaps God is trying to show you another path to achieve something with greater returns. You just need to believe that something better is coming.

When you believe that something better is on the way, you will feel excited and thrilled rather than feeling worried and frustrated. In addition, when you feel good, you will often find the right path or the solution to your problems.

Reignite your motivation

Another important thing that must be done when you are facing hard times in life is to reignite your motivation. While it is true that you cannot solely depend on motivation because it comes and it goes, but sometimes, you need it to go through tough times.

What you can do is to revisit your purpose. Ask yourself why do you do what you do and always remind yourself of your purpose in life. More importantly, you can practice visualization and affirmation to keep yourself driven and to stay on track. Listen to motivational songs and read inspirational materials.

When your level of motivation is high, you will ask better questions even during tough times, such as instead of asking “Why me”, you will begin to say, “Try me”.

Third-party perspective

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

It will be difficult when you are feeling stuck and looking at your situation from your own point of view which may not help much. Therefore, step out and try to think from a third-person perspective.
Look at the situation from another person’s point of view and see if you can find any angle of attack or any other solutions to your challenges.

When you are lost in the jungle, one of the methods to find your direction is to get to a higher ground and look at the place from a bird-eye view. This same strategy should be applied to your life. When you are, feeling lost or facing difficult times in life, step outside of the mess, and then look at the situation from a bigger perspective.

You have to free your mind and think from a different angle. Trying to figure out a way to get out of the labyrinth. However, when you look from the outside, things are much clearer.

Worst-case scenario

Yes, ask yourself what is the worst-case scenario whenever there are hard times. What is the worst that can happen? The reason being you will often find that the worst case is nowhere as bad as you imagined. Once you understand that things are not as bad as you imagined, you will feel calmer and more at peace. This is at the point when you can become creative and make better decisions.

People are often feeling that life is too hard because they are too obsessed with the fears that they imagined in their head, which most likely are not going to happen anyway. Remember, life is hard because many times you are being too rigid or are trying to hold on to something too tightly. It is your attitude of how you look at the situation that determines if your life is going to be hard or easy.

When you understand that the worst is not as bad, and you can still survive regardless of whatever happens, you will feel much better.

Express gratitude

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

To put it simply, being grateful means showing your appreciation for everything in your life. You need to appreciate whatever you currently have and this act makes you feel good and at peace. Many studies have been conducted on this subject, and they found that when you express gratitude it is one of the keys to living a good life. When you appreciate what you have, you feel wealthy with what you have. When you do not appreciate what you have in life, you feel like you are living in poverty and
everything is not enough no matter how much you actually do have.

When life gets hard, write down the things that you are grateful for in life. You can even express your appreciation by calling someone you are grateful for and telling them about it. After doing this, you will discover that the challenges and difficulties you face will become less significant especially when they are compared to everything great that you have in your life right now.

You are not alone

Realize that you are not alone in this world. If you are having tough times with your finances right now, notice that there are others, who are battling even tougher situations than you are. No matter what you go through in life, there is always someone going through the same thing or even worse things than what you are facing currently. Therefore, you are not alone. Because of this, it is not the end of the world. When you feel like a failure, think of someone who has gone through an even more difficult situation than you and those who were able to bounce back even stronger.

A great example for this is the motivational speaker, Les Brown. He has been labeled as “education mentally retarded” since young and has gone through many tough times on his journey to success. He has slept and bathed in his office, before he was rejected and had failed several times, and he bought a house for his mother, but it had to go to foreclosure due to his financial constraints.

As you can see, many people out there have gone through a life that is hard as well. However, these people never give up and they continue moving forward despite going against all the odds. Therefore, learn and become inspired by these extraordinary people.

Share your story

Whenever life gets hard, find someone and share your story. However, be selective and only share your story with someone who will support you and not someone who tries to drag you down. Everyone needs someone by their side from time to time. Nobody can survive alone in this world. This is especially true when you are facing some challenging times and you need the encouragement from others.

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

You can choose to share your stories with people you know like your friends and family, and with strangers in forums or groups. One very important key to remember is that not everyone will understand your situation and you should not listen to what everyone has to say, especially advice from strangers. Only choose to listen to positive and constructive advice. Otherwise, just ignore this method and choose to do something else.

Focus and thoughts

Whenever you feel like everything is coming down around you, choose to change your focus your thoughts. There is no point to stay at the same stressed and frustrated state. Instead, to choose to do something else that will change your focus instead.

For example, you can play games, go for sports, do something that you like, follow your hobby, jog, swim, read a book, go shopping, watch a movie, and so forth. Whatever you do, you want to switch your focus and take your thoughts away from the situation so that your mind can have time to relax and think it through with your subconscious mind.

After you return to solve the problem, you can now think clearer and there is a higher chance that the solution will come to you from the middle of nowhere.

Stop and reflect

Getting yourself out of a slump is a conscious effort, and this is why you need to stop and reflect on what has happened to you thus far in life. However, if you continue to live life as it is, you will continue to stay at the same point without going any further.
It is when you stop, reflect, and make the necessary changes; you will be able to make sure that you are traveling in the right direction, heading to your desired destination. Most people allow life to happen to them as it is. They never question and they never reflect. As a result, they feel powerless and have no control over what is happening to them.

If you are serious about getting to a higher ground and improving your life, you must take time to reflect. Your previous actions and decisions got you where you are today. Therefore, if you reflect, review and make better choices, you will eventually end up getting to a better place.
When life gets hard, it is a signal telling you that something is not right. Hence, you must reflect on what went wrong and what you can do to course-correct.

Get active

Do you know that exercise can relax your muscle and help release your stress? The University of Florida states that exercise can improve your body image. Living an active lifestyle can make you feel more confident because you feel like you have accomplished something. Not only that, exercise stimulates energy production in your body cell, which makes you energetic and allows your brain to function better.

Write it down

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

Another thing you can do is to write it down. Yes, you can write down your frustration, worries, anxiety, and stress. In fact, a psychologist from UCLA has proven that an individual may feel less angry or less sad if they put their feelings into words. When you write down your feelings and put them into words, you are activating the prefrontal region of your brain and seeing a reduced response in the amygdala. The amygdala is the vital part of your brain that processes your emotions.

Therefore, the next time when you are feeling stress, life is not proceeding according to your plan or feeling that the world is falling down around you; choose to put your feelings into words. You may feel less emotional.

Ask for help

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

Rather than sharing your story with someone else, seek help from someone else. When life gets hard, go and get help. You will be amazed that people are more than willing to help you. Of course, getting help from someone is one of the most powerful ways to turn your life around, but how can you do it?
The best way is to get the right help from the right people. For instance, you can seek out the experts within your industry and try to ask for their help. You will never know who will come to the rescue. Or else, find someone who can help you from your own church or community.

Push through it

This is more like an inspiration to you to work through the tough times. When life gets hard, hustle through it. Put in more action, work harder, pour in more effort, and work your way to get out of the seemingly impossible situation.

When you think about it, it is what all the successful people do to achieve extraordinary results in life. No matter what situation or what kind of difficulties they face in their journey, they choose to hustle through it.

Timing may not be right

If you have tried all the above and nothing seems to work, perhaps, you should accept that it might not be the best time to work out the issues you are going through.
Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba, started his internet career in 1995. He built the “China Yellow Pages”, but somehow, the people of China were not ready for the internet and Jack had to delay his dream to a later year. He started once again in 1999 and founded Alibaba, the e-commerce giant that dominates the world today.

As you can see, sometimes, the time may not be the right time. Yes, life can be hard when you are trying to go against the movement or when things are not ready. No matter how tough you push, if the market is not ready, there is no way you can create the breakthrough.

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

Therefore, sometimes you have to accept that the time is not suitable and you may have to come back later. Remember, delaying your dream does not mean giving them up. When Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the company he started, he was devastated, but he accepted the fate that he was not good enough. He took 3 months off for the holidays and discovered that he still loved what he does. Thus, he went on to found NeXT computer and bought Pixar. Jobs then learned and improved his leadership skills during those years. When he returned to Apple, he became the great visionary leader that brought Apple to prominence.

Perhaps, if Jobs had not been fired, he would never had learned and became the great leader he was and transformed Apple into one of the most successful companies of the decade. Hence, sometimes, you may need to accept that it may not be the right time to strike.

Pray and have faith

One of the easiest things you can do when life gets hard is to pray and have faith that it will turn out all right because of God’s hand. Whatever you do, never underestimate the power of prayer and faith. When you truly believe in a higher power and you pray sincerely, something in you will change. You may feel more relaxed and less stressful because you are letting go and allowing God to take care of the situation for you.
You may start to see miracles and opportunities because you believe that God has created a path for you. So pray and have faith that things will become better no matter how dire the situation.

Perception

Regardless of the situation, you go through in life, whether it is hard, challenging, tough, or the other way round, you have to understand that you are the one who gives meaning to it. Meaning to say, if you think that life is hard, it is because you are making it hard.

Necessary Life Skills by Melvin Feller MA

How do you define life being hard? For some people, life can be hard. On the other hand, someone can go through the exact same situation and feel nothing at all. It is your perception, my friend. If you think that something is difficult, then yes, it will be difficult for you. However, if you think that something will be easy and life is joyful, then it will be so to you.

How you look at things matter. While it may be a fact that you may feel financially strapped, not having enough money to put food on the table or you are late on your bills, you can still choose how you want to respond to the situation.

Just like how Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson puts it, “When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say “Why me”, just say, “Try me! “”

You are the one who is in control of your responses in life. Thus, you are the one who can choose what kind of life you want to go experience. When life gets hard, just increase your level and get stronger.

Melvin Feller MA Business Consultant, Business Owner, Melvin Feller ministries and MBA Graduate Student Candidate

Melvin Feller MA is in Texas and in Oklahoma. Melvin Feller founded Melvin Feller Business Group and Melvin Feller Ministries in the 1970s to help individuals and organizations achieve their specific Victory. Victory as defined by the individual or organization are achieving strategic objectives, exceeding goals, getting results or desired outcomes and a positive outreach with grace and as a ministries. He has extensive experience assisting businesses achieve top and bottom line results. He has broad practical experience creating WINNERS in many organizations and industries. He has hands-on experience in executive leadership, operations, logistics, sales, program management, organizational development, training, and customer service. He has coached teams to achieve results in strategic planning, business development, organizational design, sales, and customer response and business process improvement. He has prepared and presented many workshops nationally and internationally.